


Complicated

by antagon1st



Category: South Park
Genre: ??? - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Suggestive Themes, idk what tags to put here, they make out & stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-20 21:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9516845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antagon1st/pseuds/antagon1st
Summary: Craig is attracted to Kenny, but his constant overthinking keeps preventing him from getting what he can't admit that he wants.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm actually pretty happy with this except for the fact that I feel like it would've been better if there were smut in it but I suck at writing smut so sorry about that lmao.  
> I said like the exact same thing in the notes of the Crenny story I posted a couple days ago but I'm gonna put it in this one too; it's really hard for me to post my writing online, it makes me really nervous, so if you hate it pls don't tell me bc I might cry (I'm kidding but I'm not) (I legit spent like 6+ hours reading this over and over again trying to talk myself into posting it)  
> Sorry if there's any typos or sentences that don't really make sense, I read this over like a hundred times before posting it but I went back and changed so many things I know I probably missed something.

_Complicated._

That was always the first word that came to Craig's mind when it came to his feelings for Kenny McCormick. For the majority of his life, Kenny had always simply been a background character in his life. There were his three closest friends; Clyde, Token, and Tweek, and then there was Kenny and his group of friends; people who just seemed to always be _around,_ people who he more just knew _of_ and didn't actually _know,_ at least not well enough to consider them friends. People he could make casual small-talk with between classes in the halls of the school. Maybe one of them would invite him to a party every once in awhile. 

Everybody knew of the two established friend groups, and that for the most part, they stayed that way; as two separate groups. Kept to themselves. Only hung out together because they were all the type of people who had a reputation of being _‘friends with everybody’_ , and their rival group was included in _‘everybody’_ . Or simply talked to them just because, well, they were _there_ . But there was one thing that most people at South Park High School didn't know; Craig Tucker and Kenny McCormick had, well, more of a _history_ than everybody knew of.

Craig remembered the very moment he started having feelings for Kenny, in a more-than-friends way. It was in the fourth grade. Their entire class had been on a field trip, and they were all instructed to choose a partner to hold hands with for the duration of the trip, to ensure that none of them got lost. Cartman had approached Kenny and asked him to be partners, and he declined, and grabbed Craig's hand instead. Craig knew that he had only picked him simply because he had happened to be standing next to him at that moment. And the fact that he had chosen him over _Cartman_ definitely didn't mean anything. Every person in class would’ve chosen to be paired up with literally _anyone_ over Eric Cartman. It had happened entirely by chance. Sheer dumb luck. But it had felt so _right._ He would never forget the way his heart had sped up when the orange-parka-clad boy laced their fingers together. The feelings confused Craig, him being so young, and Kenny being, well, another _boy_ . Kenny and Craig had gone back to interacting with each other hardly at all after that, like they normally did. But what had happened on that day left Kenny on Craig's mind from time to time, imagining what it would be like to be _closer_ with him. What it would be like to hold his hand _every day_ . But he never attempted to _talk_ to the other boy. Never tried to get to know him better. Instead, he kept a safe distance from the boy, who had confused him so much. And eventually, he felt better. The strange feelings went away. For a little while, at least.

Then came the eighth grade. Four years later. He and Kenny were paired up by the science teacher for a class project. The ultimate cliche. Two weeks, they worked together. It being just a dumb, insignificant middle school project, there hadn't been any take-home work, but still, every school day from 10:00: am- 10:55 am, Kenny was all his. By that point, Kenny had grown into his once extremely oversized orange parka, the hood no longer hiding his entire face when he put it up. Craig liked seeing Kenny's face. His eyes were the most stunning shade of blue. Kenny still didn't talk much, but that was okay with Craig. At least he got to enjoy the view.

Craig had ended up doing most of the work on their science project, Kenny being the lazy, under-achieving asshole that he was, but Craig really hadn't minded at all. Anybody else, he would've kicked their ass for making him do all of the work and then taking half of the credit for it. But with Kenny, he just couldn't bring himself to be angry. The grade they received on their project hadn't been amazing, but still pretty decent; a B+. Kenny had approached Craig after class the day they'd gotten their grades back, catching up with him in the hallway and placing an arm on his shoulder, which had caused Craig to jump a bit.  

"Hey, dude," Kenny said casually. He spoke with a barely-detectable-but-still-there southern accent, not nearly as heavy as his parents'.

Craig turned around to face him, heart speeding up when their eyes met.

"I just wanted to say, well, thanks." Kenny continued. "For not letting us fail the project, I mean. I'm sorry I didn't help a whole lot, it's just that I'm not real smart and I get distracted easy and-"

"Dude, don't mention it." Craig cut him off, trying hard to maintain his usual apathetic demeanor, despite how flustered he was due to the fact that Kenny's hand was still on his shoulder. "It's not a big deal. Just uh, don't touch me, okay?" _Please do,_ he thought to himself.

"Right, sorry." Kenny removed his hand, and Craig mentally sighed, partially in relief, partially in disappointment. "Anyway, thanks again. Catch ya later." Kenny nodded and then turned to walk away, not giving Craig a chance to respond.

Craig watched Kenny as he walked away and sighed, out loud this time, then began making his way to his locker. And once again, he and Kenny went back to being mostly-strangers, and the blonde boy again didn't leave his mind for several weeks. Sometimes Craig couldn’t help but stare at the other male from across the room during science class, or steal a too-longing-to-be-casual glance at him when they happened to pass in the halls. His mind traveled to the unholiest of places when he was in Kenny’s presence. But when they got to high school, Craig began seeing even less of Kenny, and once again, the feelings subsided. He messed around with a few other people, girls and guys (though he didn’t enjoy being with girls very much), but for the most part, he avoided relationships. Kept to himself.

And then, finally, there was their junior year of high school. Another three years later. The year _it_ happened. Craig's fatal mistake.

That year, Kenny had become the school's only known drug dealer, which meant that eventually, Craig found himself meeting up with the blonde after school, with the intention of buying some weed. Craig had _thought_ that all of his _weird_ feelings for Kenny had long disappeared by then; just a dumb pre-pubescent crush that hadn't ever meant anything. He had just been confused and that was it. But one look at Kenny and he knew that he couldn't have been more wrong.  He had approached Kenny after school one day, a Tuesday, finding him in his usual spot, leaning up against a wall, smoking a cigarette. Craig could still recall the sinking feeling in his stomach when Kenny had put out his cigarette upon becoming aware of his presence, and looked up at him with those bluer-than-blue eyes. _Well, shit,_ he had thought to himself.

"Craig Tucker," Kenny smiled and nodded at him, acknowledging his presence. "What can I do ya for?" The sound of his voice had just about made Craig’s heart stop altogether.

Craig couldn't help but notice that Kenny still wore an orange parka. He briefly wondered why he would go out of his way to buy almost the exact same coat again after growing out of his old one, or how he managed to find one that resembled his old one so much in the first place. Craig also couldn't help but notice a few other things about the other male as well, like his perfectly sculpted jawline and the way he absent-mindedly licked his lips when he noticed that they were dry. His shaggy blonde hair was casually messed up and was almost long enough to cover his eyes, but not quite. Kenny was also a bit shorter than him now, not that that meant Kenny himself could necessarily be labeled as ‘short,’ as Craig was somewhat awkwardly tall. Craig made a mental note to not stare at Kenny too much, as it was probably becoming increasingly obvious that he was doing what _might_ be considered _checking him out_. So he carried on with the conversation and told Kenny what he wanted, a gram of marijuana, then followed him to his truck where his supply was.

"How much?" Craig asked, shoving his hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt and digging around momentarily to locate his wallet.

"Y'know what? No charge." Kenny replied, handing him the bag. "I still owe ya for that science project back in eighth grade."

"Dude, come on. Don't be ridiculous. Just take the money." Craig scoffed, attempting to hand him some cash.

"Nope. I insist." Kenny said with a charming grin. Craig noticed that he had one tooth missing on the left side; probably got knocked out in a fight.

"Seriously. You need it more than I do." Craig replied in a slightly annoyed tone, wishing that this encounter with Kenny could just be over and done with already.

"Ouch. Way to remind me how broke I am." Kenny feigned offense.

"Dude," Craig sighed, attempting to hand him the cash again. _God dammit, this guy._

"I'll tell ya what," Kenny spoke again, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lighter and another cigarette, then lighting it. "Come back to my place and smoke with me. Consider it your payment." 

Craig contemplated just flipping him off and walking away. If he didn't wanna take the money, that was fine by him. It wouldn't keep him up at night. But of course, it was Kenny, so he couldn't. The guy was too damn intriguing. And the fact that Kenny _wanted_ him to come over excited him way more than it probably should have. It _almost_ excited him too much to question why Kenny was suddenly showing so much interest in him in the first place. But not quite.

"Why do you want me to come over?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at Kenny.

"Dunno," the other male shrugged, taking a quick drag from his cigarette and exhaling the smoke. "Gets pretty boring at my place. You're a chill guy. Why not?"  

"You make a persuasive argument," Craig replied sarcastically, knowing there must’ve been more to it than the incredibly vague answer that Kenny had provided him with. Regardless, it was an opportunity that he couldn’t allow himself to pass up. He took a moment to weigh out the pros and cons of the situation. The half of him that wanted to deny his attraction to Kenny was _begging_ him not to go with him. But the other half of him was saying _fuck it, let's see what happens_ , intrigued by the endless number of possibilities. Craig watched as Kenny took a long drag from his cigarette, then closed his eyes and tilted his head back, exhaling smoke dramatically as if he was trying to show off. _Fuck._

"Fine." He answered, finally.

Kenny chuckled and shook his head amusedly as he continued smoking and Craig immediately regretted agreeing to go with him.  

They got in Kenny's truck and drove to his house in silence, Craig stealing subtle, awkward glances at him when he wasn't paying attention, watching as he tapped his long, bony fingers against the steering wheel casually. _This is a terrible idea,_ was all he could think to himself. They got to Kenny's house and his parents weren't home, and they went straight to Kenny's room, locking the door behind them. Kenny's room had reeked of alcohol and cigarettes, but Craig couldn't judge because he knew that his room would smell exactly the same way if he didn't practically drown himself in air freshener and spray down every inch of his room before his parents came home every night in order to hide his vices from them. Though he knew that they weren't _entirely_ clueless and his efforts to cover it up were most likely pointless, because every teenager in America smoked and drank, especially in small, depressing towns like South Park where there was nothing better to do.

So Kenny rolled them a couple joints and they smoked and talked and laughed and by the end of the night, they were practically best friends, taking turns sharing the most insignificant details of their lives that nobody else cared enough to ask them about. Finally, they were _friends_. And this time, it stayed that way. Well, it had stayed that way for a little while, anyway. But unfortunately, like most good things in Craig's life, it was short-lived.

They began meeting at Kenny's house once a week after school, every Tuesday, to hang out and smoke and complain about how much their lives sucked. They did it for months. It became routine for them. Craig very much enjoyed having the company of someone who was _almost_ as cynical as he was. But there was just one problem; his feelings for Kenny were getting stronger and _increasingly_ harder to ignore. Especially when he was high and he wasn't spending every second over-thinking and trying to contain himself. That's when it got dangerous.

_And that's how it all came crashing down._

It was a Tuesday night, and Kenny and Craig were where they always were on Tuesday nights; stoned out of their minds, sprawled out across Kenny's bedroom floor, talking nonsense that they wouldn't remember later. But then Kenny had an idea.

"Hey, dude, come here I wanna try something." He said, sitting up, his back now against the wall.

Craig sat up as well and moved closer to where his friend was sitting, a curious expression on his face.

"Open your mouth," Kenny said before taking another hit from his joint.

Craig raised an eyebrow at him, as if to say, _excuse me?_ Kenny just motioned for him to come closer, which he did. Craig parted his lips slightly and Kenny leaned even closer to him, lightly blowing the smoke from his mouth into Craig's, which he then inhaled, maintaining eye contact with Kenny the entire time. Normally being so close to Kenny would make him so nervous that he might forget how to breathe, but in this moment he was too high to care. _…Almost._ No amount of drugs could distract him _entirely,_ or change the fact he was never himself when he was when in the presence of Kenny McCormick.

"I've always wanted to do that." Kenny chuckled, his voice low and husky.

Craig smiled back at him. They were so close; close enough for Craig to drown in those gorgeous eyes of his. And he couldn't help but notice that their lips were still only centimeters apart. Craig could hear his heartbeat in his ears, eyes darting back and forth between Kenny’s eyes and his lips. He wondered what Kenny’s lips tasted like. He had for a long time.

_And that's when it happened._

In the heat of the moment, Craig acted on his impulse; he grabbed the collar of Kenny's shirt, pulling him even closer, and pressed his lips against the other male's. He heard Kenny quietly hum in approval as he kissed back. Kenny was surprised by Craig's actions, considering the fact that he wasn’t normally so bold, but he wasted no time taking control, moving a hand up to cup Craig's cheek and deepening the kiss. Their chapped lips moved together in perfect sync as if this moment had been destined to happen; as if their lips had been designed to find each other.

When they pulled apart for air, Craig finally responded to Kenny's remark from a few moments earlier;

"And I've always wanted to do _that_."

Kenny let out a low chuckle before leaning back in and kissing Craig again, more roughly this time. He wrapped his arms around the taller boy’s waist and pulled him into his lap, gently sweeping his tongue across Craig’s bottom lip, asking for entrance, which he granted, letting Kenny’s tongue explore his mouth as he lazily wrapped his arms around the blonde boy’s neck. He smelled of cigarettes and cheap drugstore cologne and Craig couldn’t get enough of it. He was in heaven as Kenny’s lips moved to his neck, sucking and biting, probably leaving marks behind. Craig let out a soft moan, tilting his head slightly to give Kenny better access.

“Mm, Kenny-” The other boy’s name slipped past Craig’s lips.

_And then the reality of the situation hit him._ He was reminded of _who_ he was doing this with. He was reminded of every reason why he _hadn’t_ wanted this to happen, and why he hadn’t just gone for it a long time ago. _God, he wanted this._ But he couldn’t go through with it.

"Wait, stop," Craig sighed.

Kenny pulled away and looked at him, bloodshot blue eyes full of confusion. He waited for Craig to speak again.

"I can't do this," Craig spoke, his tone growing more panicked. "I should go. Sorry."

Craig stood up frantically, grabbing his jacket from Kenny's bed and putting it on, along with his hat. Even the pot couldn't mellow him out enough for him to remain calm about the situation. Kenny said nothing. Just watched him go, remaining seated on the floor. Craig opened Kenny's bedroom door, made his way through the livingroom, and out the front door, never looking back.

He hadn't slept that night. Spent hours laying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling until the sun came up, trying to figure out exactly why he was so freaked out. Why what had happened scared him so much that he had to run away. He had _wanted_ to stay; _wanted_ to keep kissing Kenny; more than _anything._ _Was it because he didn't want to have to admit to himself that he was gay?_ If he wasn’t _with_ anyone, he could always push the feelings aside; ignore the fact that he never fantasized about any woman the way he did about Kenny McCormick. But the second he let himself get involved with him in any way, let himself feel all of the things that he hated wanting to feel, that was when he had to acknowledge that the feelings were real. And he wasn’t ready for that. He moved a hand up to his neck, fingers ghosting over the tender bruises that Kenny had left behind. He sighed and closed his eyes, the events of the night replaying through his mind over and over again until his alarm clock went off.

It wasn't until the next day, when he was sober again, that the regret had _really_ begun to set in.To this day he still blamed it on the drugs, and not the fact that he had just _really_ wanted to kiss Kenny. He avoided Kenny at school the next day and made sure to leave a little bit later than he normally did, taking a different route on his walk home, just in case Kenny happened to be looking for him. He ignored the texts, the phone calls, all of it. Craig tried everything to forget the way he had felt when he had kissed Kenny, and how much he longed to feel that way again; how much he longed to feel the other boy's touch again. But distracting himself was almost impossible now that he no longer had access to drugs, due to the fact that his dealer was the person he was trying to avoid; trying to forget about. Craig even started dating Bebe Stevens, one of the most popular girls in school, just to be extra sure that nobody would get suspicious; to make sure that nobody could ever start any rumors. But no matter how many times he kissed her, he couldn't stop wishing that it was Kenny that he was kissing instead.

Kenny never told anyone. Never said a word about what happened. But he did stop texting, eventually. Stopped calling. Stopped waiting around for Craig to meet him after school on Tuesdays. Six months later, Craig still had the last message he had gotten from Kenny before he went quiet. He still had their entire chat history stored away on his phone; looked back at it from time to time and cursed himself for getting himself into the situation in the first place, knowing from the start that with the way he was it could only end badly. He stared down at his phone screen; at the message that was dated six months ago;

_'you're still welcome at my place whenever.'_

That had been in November. It was now May. He'd thought about going back more times than he could count. He wondered how Kenny would react if he just showed up at his house on a Tuesday night, just like he used to, like nothing had ever happened. But he knew that despite what Kenny's last message to him all those months ago had said, it was too late for that. He wondered if Kenny shared any of the same feelings that he held for him, or if Kenny just saw the whole situation as no big deal; maybe he was a little bummed out that he had lost his smoking buddy but that was it. After all, Kenny hadn't really shown any signs of _liking_ him, prior to that night. He had kissed him back and attempted to go further, but Craig felt like he probably would have taken that opportunity no matter who it was with. And he had been high, as well. Still, he longed to know how Kenny felt about him.  

“What are you looking at on your phone that’s so important?” Bebe, who was sitting across from him at their usual lunch table, asked him, snapping him out of his thoughts and bringing him back to the present.

“What? Oh, nothing. Sorry.” He replied, pressing the lock button on his phone and shoving it back into the pocket of his sweatshirt.

“Right.” Bebe sighed angrily. Wendy, who was sitting next to her, cleared her throat loudly and widened her eyes at her friend, clearly reminding her of something they had discussed in private earlier. “Craig, can I talk to you outside for a minute?”

_God dammit,_ Craig thought to himself, knowing what was most likely about to happen. Of course Wendy just _had_ to interfere with his relationship. What a bitch. “Yeah, sure.” He replied, his expression remaining blank, tone of voice indifferent.

Craig swung his legs over the bench of the lunch table and stood up, along with Bebe. He felt awkward standing in the middle of the cafeteria. It drew too much attention to him, due to the fact that everybody else in the room was sitting down. It caught the attention of one orange-parka-wearing boy in particular; Kenny. Craig could feel the other male’s eyes on him from across the room. He could see him, just barely, out of the corner of his eye, sitting at his usual table a few rows down from Craig’s, with Kyle, Stan, and Cartman. Kenny was watching him. Craig tried not to make eye contact, but he couldn’t help himself. He turned his head slightly to face Kenny, and their eyes locked. Kenny didn’t look away. The expression on his face was rather neutral, not seeming to be affected positively or negatively by the situation he was observing. Kenny simply nodded at Craig casually, acknowledging him. Craig broke eye contact, looking up, down, anywhere but at Kenny.

“ _Craig,”_ Bebe nagged. She was quite noticeably beginning to lose her patience.

Craig looked back at her, ten times more nervous now that he knew Kenny was watching them. Watching _him._ He sighed quietly and followed Bebe through the cafeteria to the sliding glass doors that led to the school courtyard. _Glass doors. And windows everywhere. Kenny had a perfect view._ They walked over to an empty bench out in the courtyard and sat down.

“Craig,” Bebe sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder in a patronizing manner.

“You’re breaking up with me.” Craig spoke before she could continue. “Right?”

“Uhm,” She trailed off, not sure how to respond. She took a deep breath. “Yes, Craig. I’m sorry.”

Craig said nothing at first, just looked down at his feet. He wondered if Kenny was still watching. But he didn’t check to see if he was. “Oh,” he said quietly.

“ _Oh?_ ” Bebe raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t you wanna know why?”

“Oh, uh, yes?” Craig replied nervously, scratching his head.

“Jesus, Craig, it’s like you don’t even care! About me, or about _anything!_ ” Bebe replied in an annoyed tone, raising her voice. She removed her hand from Craig’s shoulder and pointed it at him in an accusatory manner. “You’re completely emotionally unavailable. And I was convinced for so long that it was because _I_ was doing something wrong, but-”

“Look, you didn’t do anything wrong, okay.” Craig sighed, cutting her off before she could finish. “I’m… I’m sorry?”

“Are you sure? Because that sounded more like a question than an apology.” She shot back.

“I don’t know what else to say.” Craig said quietly and shrugged, still looking down at his feet.

“Don’t worry. I think you’ve said enough.” Bebe sighed, lowering her voice again. “Bye, Craig.”

And with that, she got up and left. There was no doubt in Craig’s mind that everybody back in the cafeteria knew what had just happened, after Bebe had gone outside with Craig by her side and returned alone.

_Well, shit._

The rest of the school day was a blur. Craig sat in class; distracted, detached. He couldn’t quite process what had happened. Half of him felt bad for not caring that Bebe had ended things with him. And the other half of him did care, but for all the wrong reasons. He cared about his reputation way more than he cared about the fact that he had hurt someone. He felt slightly guilty, but for the most part, he just felt the same  _one_ emotion that he could never seem to escape from; _indifference._ In fact, the only person in his life that he didn’t either hate or feel completely indifferent towards, was Kenny.

When school ended, Craig waited until the building was mostly empty before leaving, trying his best to avoid anybody that might have any questions for him, regarding what had happened at lunch. He started on his usual route home, but before he knew it, he found himself turning not onto his own street, but instead onto another familiar one; Kenny’s. And then he found himself walking up the steps to his front porch. He hesitated for a moment, knowing that this was a terrible idea, and that he would just look like a complete jackass. He knew what he was walking into ( _or did he?_ ), and he wasn’t at all prepared to face it. But like whatever mysterious force that had drawn him to Kenny’s house in the first place, something inside of him was urging him to go along with this terrible plan and he knocked on the front door anyway. Coincidentally, it just so happened to be a Tuesday.

Kenny answered the door a little too quickly, and the moment their eyes met, Craig instantly regretted showing up at his house. But he couldn’t turn back now. He simply looked at Kenny, unsure of what to do or say or _how_ to do or say it. Maybe he secretly hoped that the fact he had come there in the first place would say enough. He couldn’t read Kenny’s expression and he was terrified of the endless possibilities of what might happen next, whether Kenny was about to invite him inside or slam the door in his face, and every possible scenario in between. After a few more moments of agonizing silence, Kenny’s lips formed into a smug grin and he nodded at the taller boy.

“ _Well, look who it is._ Right on time.” Kenny said in an amused tone, leaning back against the frame of the door and crossing his arms. “You’ve certainly done a great job of making a complete ass of yourself.”

Only then did Craig realize that he hadn’t thought out what he was going to say at all, just knocked on the door without thinking. _Of course._ He was so damn nervous he could almost swear that he was trembling. He would’ve smoked a joint to calm his nerves before he came knocking on Kenny’s door, but, well. _Dammit, why did this guy have such a strong effect on him?_ He didn’t know what to do other than let Kenny keep talking, let him say whatever he needed to say and just take what was coming to him. Judging by his opening remarks he could only assume that he had more, _much more,_ to say. And judging by his unforgivingly sarcastic tone of voice it probably wasn’t gonna be very nice. Not that he deserved any kindness or sympathy from someone that he had so blatantly pushed away, told him to fuck off in every way possible other than saying it right to his face, after he had made out with him and then run away like a bitch.

“I mean, I know the goal was to convince everybody that you’re straight, which, surprisingly, you managed to pull off,” Kenny continued when Craig didn’t speak. “But you also managed to leave everybody under the impression that you’re a total douche, too. It’s kinda funny, actually.”

“So this is funny to you?” Craig spoke, finally.

“Maybe funny was the wrong word to use. You get what I mean, though.”

“ _Kenny,_ ”

“I knew you’d show up here after Bebe dumped you at school today,” Kenny said matter-of-factly, reaching into the pocket of his jacket and pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “You’re real predictable. You want one?” He asked, referring to the pack of cigarettes in his hand.

Craig shook his head no, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jacket. He wished that he could hide his face just as easily as he could hide his hands.

“Suit yourself,” Kenny said, stepping outside and closing the front door behind him. He leaned up against the wall of his house and lit the cigarette he had removed from the carton.

“How do you know she dumped me? Maybe _I_ broke up with _her_.” Craig dared to speak up.

“Fair enough. I suppose you could have.” Kenny nodded, taking a drag from his cigarette and then exhaling the smoke. Craig was secretly glad that Kenny’s eyes were now focused on the cigarette that he was holding in front of him, and not him. “But my guess is that she dumped you, because she finally realized that you didn’t have any romantic feelings for her at all whatsoever, and you never even _tried_ to act like you did, and she got sick of dating an emotionless robot.”

“Jesus, Kenny, when did you become such a dick?” Craig snapped back, narrowing his eyes at the other male. He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. _Dammit._ He either thought too much or not at all before he acted, and in every situation he seemed to choose the wrong option.

Kenny feigned shock, pretending to be taken aback by the other boy’s sudden outburst. But really, he knew exactly what he was doing. To Craig, it seemed as though he always did. It just wasn’t fair. “Can you really blame me, Craig?” Kenny replied, maintaining the same almost sarcastically casual tone of voice. “You ignored me and avoided me for six months straight. No explanation, no apology. Nothin’.” He tapped his cigarette lightly to discard of the ash.

And then the guilt began to set in. “You’re right,” Craig replied quietly, his tone changing from angry to defeated. His eyes fell to focus on his shoes instead of Kenny. “I’m sorry, Kenny. I really am. I don’t know why I got so freaked out. I’ve been trying to figure it out for six months and I just… I don’t have an explanation, okay?”

“Well it’s nice to know that you care about my feelings now, six months later.” Kenny took another drag from his cigarette. “I’m not really mad, though.”

“What?” Craig looked back up at him. He was completely lost at this point.

“People tend to talk more openly about their feelings when they get all worked up. Notice how the words just kinda fall right out of ya when you’re frantically trying to defend yourself?” Kenny explained. “If I’d just calmly invited you inside, sat down with you, and given you a chance to talk, you would’ve freaked out and run off again.”

Kenny was right. Like he usually was.

“So you’re just being manipulative now, then?” Craig replied after taking a moment to process everything that Kenny had just said.

“Oh come on, don’t be so cynical. It worked, didn’t it?" Kenny replied. “You mustered up enough courage to call me a dick, that’s a start. Let’s go from there.” He took yet another drag from the cigarette he was holding and exhaled the smoke dramatically the way he always did.

Craig was so confused and overwhelmed by the way Kenny was talking to him. Every other time they’d had a conversation this long they had both been high. _So this is what Kenny is like when he isn’t on drugs,_ Craig thought to himself. He wanted to hate this brutally-honest-and-in-your-face version of Kenny that he was now being introduced to, but as always, it was Kenny, so he couldn’t bring himself to hate him in any way, shape, or form. Just hated _himself_ for not being able to. 

“So, you don’t… hate me, then?” Craig asked, raising an eyebrow at Kenny.

“I don’t really care that much that you left me hangin’ that night. I had to jack off after you left, but I survived.” Kenny chuckled.

“Dude. TMI.”

“What? I’m just bein’ honest.” Kenny spoke casually, putting his cigarette out on the wall behind him, then letting it fall to the ground. “You should try it.”

Craig knew that Kenny was pushing his buttons on purpose, but that remark had gotten to him.

“Look. It’s great that you can be whatever you are and be okay with it, but I’m not like that, okay? I care about what other people think. I have a hard time coming to terms with my emotions and an even harder time expressing them. I’m sorry for being human.” Craig said defensively, almost yelling now. “And y’know what, I’m also sorry that I’ve had this weird crush on you for years and when I'm around you I just can't fucking function properly, alright? Is that what you wanna hear?”

_Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshit._

Jesus, Kenny really had been right. The truth was just flyin’ out of his mouth left and right.

Kenny’s eyes widened slightly, but in an amused way. “Hey, now we’re gettin’ somewhere.” He remarked.

Craig felt his cheeks growing hot and suddenly he felt the urge to run away again. And of course, Kenny picked up on it almost immediately.

“Dude, relax.” He laughed. “I’m not sayin’ I already knew, but... I kinda figured you had the hots for me back in the eighth grade when I put my hand on your shoulder and you looked like you were about ready to pass out.”

“Oh my god,” Craig sighed embarrassedly, mostly to himself. He felt as though he might drop dead right then and there. All this time he thought that he had been hiding it so well. Showing no emotion was his _thing,_ after all. But then again, maybe it wasn’t.

“Yeah, you think you’re good at keeping your cool in situations like that. But you’re not.” Kenny added. “It's alright, though. It's kinda cute, actually.”

Craig cleared his throat and looked up at Kenny again, crossing his arms. “Alright,” He spoke again, more assertively this time. “Now that you’re done with your criminal-profiling-type-analysis of my behavior, can I ask _you_ something?”

“Sure. Shoot.” Kenny replied, giving Craig his undivided attention.

Craig took a deep breath. “Did you just wanna fuck me or did you actually like me?” It was all out in the open now; why not be direct? Fuck it. “Either is fine I just… wanna know.”

Kenny nodded in acknowledgment to his question, taking a few moments to think out his response. “Well,” He spoke, still leaning up against the wall of his house casually, “I admit that I’m guilty of enjoying your company more than I enjoy most other peoples’.”

Craig scoffed at the way Kenny had avoided answering the question directly. “See, here you are saying that I’m the one that can’t talk about their feelings without being tricked into it, but you can’t even give me a straight yes or no answer. _Did you like me,_ yes or no?” _Now I’ve got him,_ he thought proudly to himself.

“Yes.” Kenny blurted out.

“Wha-”

“Tough guy act aside, full disclosure; I did like you. I still like you.” Kenny spoke again, cutting Craig off, his tone shifting from sarcastic to genuine, just for a moment. “But also while I’m bein’ honest I gotta tell ya, at first I just wanted to see if I could get you into bed. I’d always thought you were kinda hot, and I saw an opportunity that first time you came up to me after school and you couldn't stop starin' at me, so I took it. And as cheesy as it sounds, then I actually got to know ya and well… you’re not so bad personality-wise either." He paused, looking down for a moment, but then back up at Craig. He might've imagined it but Craig could've sworn that Kenny was blushing. _Barely,_ but still blushing. "And I liked the little thing we had goin’, figured I’d just let it progress naturally and see where it took us… but then you had to go and make things way more complicated than they needed to be.” Kenny finished, the casual-yet-sarcastic tone of voice from earlier returning. 

The words flowed from his mouth so easily; so casually. Craig didn’t understand how Kenny managed to stay so calm about _everything_. Unlike himself, who felt like he might faint after hearing the words ‘I still like you’ leave Kenny’s mouth.

“I was pretty bummed when you stopped talkin’ to me, but I got the message. Decided not to bug you about it.” Kenny continued. “I uh, always secretly hoped that you would come back, though. So maybe we could finish what we started.” He took a step closer to the raven-haired boy. “...And now here you are.”

Craig broke eye contact, staring down at his feet nervously.

“Sometimes you just gotta let things happen, y’know?” Kenny spoke yet again, taking another step closer to Craig, who still refused to make eye contact. “...Just gotta let things play out the way they’re gonna and not think about it too much. Live in the moment. Overthinking ruins everything. You of all people should already know that, though.” Another step.

This was the most that Craig had ever heard Kenny speak. He knew now that it was true that the people who spoke the least, were the most observant. Somehow, Kenny seemed to know every last detail about Craig and the way his mind worked. It was as if he knew exactly how Craig would react in any situation. And he didn’t like it one bit, he decided. Didn’t like the idea of someone having him all figured out. He wanted to do something entirely unpredictable and out of character, just to show Kenny that he wasn’t completely see-through. But he couldn’t think of anything, because right now he was too focused on how _close_ Kenny was.

Kenny was so close to him that their noses were almost touching. Kenny placed a hand under Craig’s chin and tilted his head up, forcing him to look him in the eyes, and Craig felt his heart speed up in the way that it always did when Kenny touched him. His gaze was enticing. And intimidating. Craig felt as if looking directly into his eyes gave everything away; as if Kenny could read his very thoughts; just by staring deeply enough. Kenny’s hand moved to cup the other boy’s cheek, stroking it gently with his thumb, which caused Craig to shudder. They hadn't been this close in so long. He had almost forgotten how nerve-wracking it was; how it made his heart race almost faster than he could handle. He wanted nothing more than to close the remaining space between them. 

“You gonna run away again?” Kenny asked, his voice barely louder than a whisper. 

“God no,” Craig breathed. He could feel Kenny’s breath against his lips and the tension between them was driving him insane. As much as he loved the sound of Kenny’s voice, even while he was laying into him relentlessly the way that he was, he hoped that they were done talking now. His eyes had been lingering on Kenny’s lips for several moments and he knew that the other male knew what he wanted.

“Good,” Kenny smirked, his thumb moving to Craig’s bottom lip. "This doesn't have to be complicated, Craig."

And in that moment, finally, for what very well might’ve been the first time in his life, Craig knew exactly what he wanted; he wanted Kenny. And he didn’t even mind the fact that they were on Kenny’s front porch, out in the open, where anybody could see. He just wanted to feel the other boy’s lips pressed against his own once again. Maybe he was beginning to pick up on this ‘living in the moment’ thing that Kenny was trying to teach him. He wondered what other things Kenny could teach him.

“Please kiss me,” Craig said in a barely audible whisper.

“What was that?” Kenny teased.

Craig rolled his eyes. “Stop being a dick and kiss me, McCormick.”

And he did. It was anything but gentle and with one kiss, it was as if Kenny had breathed the life back into him. He tasted like the cigarette he had just finished smoking. As Craig wrapped his arms around Kenny’s waist and pulled their bodies closer together, all second thoughts and feelings of uncertainty seemed to melt away. The only thing on his mind was the fact that he never wanted to go six months without this ever again. 

“I’ve missed you,” Kenny whispered into Craig's ear when they parted, sending chills down his spine. “You wanna come inside?”

Craig knew what unpredictable thing he could do now.

“Yes.” He answered, without a moment’s hesitation.


End file.
